the Rhodes summer 2015

I realize for a big portion of the world summer is not over. School hasn’t started yet, there are weeks of warm sunshine to still be enjoyed. But. For us, school has started and for many other reasons when summer vacation is over I feel a melancholy farewell to the season. But also this season of our life.

With this feeling I decided it was time to put all our summer memories in one video. This video is differwent than past videos because it’s capturing an entire season – and I did it in family home video style, not “here’s the highlight reel of one week!” With that said, I warn you ALL… It’s long. Twelve minutes long. Even when my family watched it and they are the people in the video they were all, wow, this video is long… ha! So, I suggest if you are a fan of multitasking and maybe you are sitting in a really dull class – put in an ear bud and watch. Otherwise, please realize you’ve been warned that twelve minutes of your life will be gone after watching.

I edited this with an entirely different approach. First of all, all the clips are longer – Myla had her wisdom teeth removed in June, and there’s an entire middle section (30 seconds) of when I was driving her home after surgery – she had a meltdown about wanting Korean food that we’ve been laughing about all summer and I wanted it in the video. There’s other moments like this too.

Also, Kiana has a plan to finish her senior year early – by December. She’s also making plans to get an apartment in January with girlfriends who all graduated this past Spring. Meaning: She is planning to move out in five months which has me feeling all sad and this summer meant more to me than normal with the fact our family dynamic will change in this next year. So – I had to make a video that captured everything I want to remember.

I couldn’t choose a happy, energetic song. So I went with piano music I am fond of by Chilly Gonzales – and the finished product turned out exactly as I feel. Nostaligc. Contentedly nostaligic.

There’s this fear that comes with motherhood – the fear of what we can’t control – and it can be paralyzing to the heart. I never thought I’d be a mom who would have a hard time with my kids growing up and moving on… But holy moly it’s hard. As deeply as I believe in being an individual, it’s hard to watch kids do just that – become individuals. It’s hard to encourage them and give them the freedom to do so.

I’m learning this fear will never go away, we just learn how to control it and how to keep it in it’s place.

For example, when I first heard Kiana wanted to move out in January my response was something to the effect of, hell no! she can’t move out in January. What is she thinking? she has to stay here till the day we pack her up and move her to college! and luckily Kiana didn’t hear that response. I believe I literally vented/closed my eyes/sent a few texts to my husband, spent a few hours thinking about it and when I finally heard the idea from Kiana my response was, Well, that’s a fun idea. Tell me more about it…

There is so much we can’t control in parenthood. But how we spend our days – our summers – how we make people feel – that we can control.

Just like our parents did.